When I first started this blog a couple months ago, I was in the midst of the infertility march. My husband and I had started four years ago after we got married and after almost a year of trying we knew something was wrong. I never had normal cycles and I was fairly sure I had PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) but had never been diagnosed. After months of testing it was confirmed and we started working with a specialist. We tried for awhile but we were getting nowhere except that medication was making me feel absolutely crazy. My husband and I decided to put the baby planning on hold and make the move to Los Angeles, something we had wanted to do for years. We were 29 and figured it was now or never and moved here in October 2014. Last summer, we decided to start trying again but at least we already knew it would be difficult and went straight to a specialist.
I did have to meet with my GP, then my OB/GYN and another OB/GYN before they would even let me see the specialist I knew I would have to see. Once I finally working with my doctor, I was feeling frustrated with the countless appointments. With the invasive and literal probing of my body. Of the tiresome cycle of checking, trying Clomid, checking, using progesterone to start my period, checking, trying a higher dose of Clomid, checking…it went on and on. And having to skip months because the Clomid had made cysts appear. It just felt like every month was a disappointment and a constant reminder that my body wasn’t working right.
I have tried to keep pretty open communication with friends and some of my family about our infertility issues. But even I feel the stigma and have a hard time talking about it sometimes. And as much as I love them or they love me, there’s not many in my life that have kids or want kids and those that do haven’t gone through all of the trouble that my husband and I have so far to do this. So this is why I am here. To have brutally honest feelings about what’s going on and everything I’m worried about and all the things I feel guilty to say out loud. So, let’s go!